Thursday, December 1, 2011

How to Deal with the "Why's" about what you Love.


We all have that one thing we love to do. It can be an aspiration. It can be a hobby. It could be something to pass the time. Some people simply refer to it as their "thing". And although the differences between them are numerous, I think it's safe to say that we all have one. For some of us, it has even become a part of our life in a big way. So what happens when what we love is questioned by those we love? What are we supposed to say when they simply don't understand and ask "What's the point?"
My first instinct for a long time was to let it get to me; a natural response when someone is denouncing something you think very highly of. After all, its one thing to have some ask "Why do you do it?" and explain it to them. But to have to defend what you are doing repeatedly because they don't see a need or a reason for it? That is a little frustrating.
But the problem with this response is that it not only further prevents them from having positive feelings about your blog, but it also doesn't make you feel any better about yourself, what you're doing, and the person involved. Here are some steps to deal with the "Why's" and avoid this nasty never-ending cycle:

1. Determined if what you're doing is Negative
First you have to consider the idea that maybe your "thing" isn't in the best interest of you, or those around you. What I mean by this is:
-if its physically causing yourself, or someone else harm 
-if it will cause yourself, or someone else, health problems down the road
-if it is preventing you from fulfilling every day needs (eating, sleeping, spending time with your spouse, ect.)
-if it is preventing you from making money (at least enough to feed, clothe, and house yourself)
-if it is directly causing emotional/mental harm to you or someone else
Then it is time to either give it up, take a break, or work something out so that none of these things are happening. Nothing you're doing should ever cause harm to yourself or another person. And although I understand ignoring some basic needs at times (I myself am guilty of a few skipped meals and a few sleepless nights in order to finish writing something I had this great idea for) but there is no reason for it to be happening all the time. 
If your "thing" qualifies as one of the above, read on to step two. If not, skip ahead to step three.

2. The End of Your List
For those of you that were directed to step two, this is the end of you're list. Like i said above, there is no reason for you to be causing harm to yourself or to others. And you have to be able to take care of yourself before you become that involved with anything else. It's okay to love something, or even obsess over it a little. I think it's even acceptable to do something that takes up a lot of time in your life. But it should never consume all of it. The best thing here would be to thank the person that has been questioning you and try to explain to them again why it is you do what you do. And then if its not hurting anyone, you can take a break from it, and then continue in moderation. I'm sure the people around you will let you know the next time you're going over board! 

3. Show Them
If you were directed to step three, congrats! I don't believe there is any reason for you to stop doing what you're doing simply because someone doesn't get it. It can be very frustrating trying to explain something to someone who doesn't seem to understand. So why not show them? If you're a golfer and your wife doesn't get why you have to get up early every Saturday and spend the day playing golf, why not invite her along? If you're a cheerleader and your jock friends don't understand why you enjoy it (or vice versa) invite them along and show them the hard work that goes into it, and how much you enjoy what your doing. If you're a write and a friend doesn't understand why you spend so much time up in your room typing away, show them what you've written and where you want them to be published. 
Its one thing to tell someone that you enjoy something, but for them to actually see you enjoying it will all the sudden fill them with understanding. You'll be amazed at how large the impact of someone seeing something can be. Use it to your advantage!

4. If What You're Doing is Meant To Give You Some Time By Yourself
Invite them along anyway. That doesn't mean that you have to include them in everything, it just means that if they are physically presented with it they are more likely to get it, and stop asking you "Why?" If it helps, you can even explain to them during the activity exactly why you like to be by yourself (its calming, it helps me relax, ect. while being specific as to why it makes you feel that way) and then allow them to experience it as well.

5. If they still think it's a waste of your time
Unfortunately for some of you, not everyone in your life is going to understand why you love doing what you do. At least right away. Most of them though, will over time accept it and support you. It just might be a bumpy road getting to that point.
How do you deal with that? Its hard, but eventually you will learn to ignore that jokes and the snides and concentrate on what you enjoy. Its better to take it with a grain of salt. Or even think to yourself "They don't like it because they know they don't have the talent to do it" if you need to. Say "Maybe they don't get it. But I can be an understand person and accept the fact that they can't"

6. If they are trying to make you give up on it
For some of us, our "thing" is a lot more than a hobby. Its involves our aspirations, and our dreams. And its those of us that care about it so much that are the most offended by this suggestion. But even if its not that big to you, no person that claims to care about you should ever want to make you give up something that you love doing. Bottom line. 
When you think about it, our dreams and our feelings are the only thing that are 100% ours. So its our right as living beings to hold on to those. Unfortunately there are only two things you can do to deal with the type of people that want you to give it up: ignore how they feel about the subject, or cut them out of your life. Neither option is a happy one, but I think it's more important to stay true to you and what you want. 
After all, if you really love doing something, how are you supposed to stay happy without it in the first place?

2 comments:

  1. LOVE this post and i really enjoyed reading it!

    Happy Friday!

    xxx,

    Fashion Fractions

    ReplyDelete
  2. What an amazing post. I love this. :)

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete

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